Why We Kept the 28th Day Function Small

The 28th day after our son was born is considered important where we come from. As per our culture, a function is usually held on that day. The baby is adorned with bangles and ornaments, and relatives and guests who attend bring their gifts, most of them gold ornaments.

This is also the day when a small gold chain is tied around the baby’s waist. It is considered symbolic and important. The baby’s name is also formally called out on this day. Until then, the name mostly exists within the family, but this is when it is said aloud as part of the ritual.

There is also another part to this function. During the ceremony, people present, starting with the father or grandfather, give the child a sip of milk. It is usually diluted. This is something that has been happening here for a very long time. Everyone accepts it as normal.

The problem is that very often, after this function, babies end up with loose stools. Sometimes it is mild, sometimes it is not. In many cases, it is nothing but food poisoning. Everyone knows this. It is spoken about casually. Almost like it is something unavoidable.

Now, we did not want to do away with this function. That was never the plan. We wanted to hold it. At the same time, we were genuinely concerned about the food poisoning part. This was not just our concern. It was a concern for everyone involved. And my wife, being a paediatrician, knew very well that this was a real risk and not something imagined.

So we thought about it for a while.

What we finally decided was to host the function, but to keep it very small. We decided to invite only very close relatives. We kept the number down to around fifteen.

This did not go down well with many people.

By then, several relatives had already begun asking when the function would be held. When we told them that it would not be a big function and that we were not inviting many people, a lot of them were clearly disappointed.

Since my son was staying at my wife’s house at the time, the function was held there. It was a decent one. Nothing extravagant. And because only very close relatives were involved, the milk giving part of the ceremony was done with a lot of care.

We did not actually give the baby milk in the usual sense. We just touched the milk to his lips. That was all.

Fortunately, nothing happened after that. No loose stools. No discomfort. No unnecessary anxiety.

But the trouble started later.

Once people realised that such a function had been held without inviting the others, a lot of complaints followed. Some people stopped talking altogether. Some were openly upset. Others expressed their displeasure indirectly.

I understand why they felt that way. I really do. In many families, these functions are about togetherness as much as they are about ritual. Being left out hurts.

But at that point in time, we felt this was the right thing to do.

It was not about proving a point or breaking tradition. It was about balancing something we wanted to do culturally with something we wanted to avoid medically. We did not feel the need to put our child through a known risk just to satisfy expectations.

Looking back, I still feel we made the right choice, even if it came at the cost of upsetting a few people. Parenting, we realised very early, is full of moments like this. Moments where you have to choose what feels right for your child, even if it does not sit well with everyone around you.

And once you make such a choice, you live with it.